~*~Life as Me~*~

Rant.

Facebook is my sanity right now. Without such interactions on all kinds of subjects and silliness I think I would have gone on meltdown. 

Why?

Because right now we are moving slowly into our new house....one car load at a time. My theory was to do the small stuff gradually then on the final date get a van to move the big stuff but guess what? I lost my bag, purse, cards, driving licence and everything else. As I cant provide the bank with ID I cant withdraw any cash till the new bank card comes. I dont carry cash so i'm kinda in a quandry. Last night I made 2 car loads from here in Gloucester to Coleford, a whole 23 miles from one doorstep to the other and it took me a little over 4 hours. Now that wouldn't be so bad if I had a big car, but I dont, I have a small hatchback and therefore not a lot goes in. At this rate it'll take me till Christmas to get our stuff over there.

It would have been nice to have been offered some help, but when I asked I was told that noone is available. Funny that as I hear about who's doing what and where etc. Must be me.

So now I dont want their help, yes thats pride talking and you know what? Today, I really dont mind at all. I am not in the best of moods and I admit that I am feeling kinda fed up of the whole thing now. I am working my butt off for the website, the projects that will go on there, articles i'm committed to write, sort and pack up and still take care of the kids. All I hear is 'come to church' well heck, i'm so bloody stressed out that i'm hardly sleeping, when I do its totally wrong and its not just church I sometimes miss its many things!

Now if someone clones me I can make all the commitments and deadlines as well as take care of the house, the move, the work and whatever else is on my plate that i've missed.

But guess what?

THERE IS ONLY ONE OF ME.

Rant over. Now to see if my neighbour will follow through with his threats when I ask him for MY lawnmower back!!

~*~Debs~*~

Today I am grateful for:

1. Knowing that this is a temporary frustration

2. Knowing I am not really alone in all of this, God will always be on my side, even when i'm wrong

3. Finding that I am stronger than I thought (mentally)

4. My car for being reliable enough to make all these journeys

5. The patience from my kids as I duck out of cooking again

Frugal & Thrifty

A year ago I decided it was about time to get my finances in some kind of order so I would never run into a situation that would catch me out again. After a very trying year and half, both financially and emotionally I knew there had to be a process in which recovering from divorce meant recovering from the knock on effects too. So I made a plan, I sat with it for hours, sifting papers, punching numbers in the calculator, sweet talking on the phone and all manner of fun boring things. A week later I finally transferred all my information into Microsoft Excel and prepared to work on turning the reds into blacks. Bit by bit this has happened, i'm not totally out of it yet but i'm not far from it. 

One of the first things I decided to do after this plan was made was to ask myself one question when I was out shopping: Do I want it or need it? I didn't make excuses for why I should have it, I simply stayed true to myself and true to my plan because I had only given myself a limited amount of time to be debt free of all kinds. During this time I have had times when it was pretty rough but through it all I slowly began to look at what was around me slightly differently. I didn't realise what I was doing till I was asked why I was reusing a strawberry tub. It was just your regular, plastic tub with a lid that i'd washed out and used to store an open packed of honey roast ham slices in. This didnt come from any forethought, it came about because I had ran out of sandwich bags which i'd normally have used to keep the open packet fresh!

Now I find that before I add to my shopping lists (more than one yes, which i'll explain in a minute) I goosey around looking for anything that is realistically a good substitute, and more times than not there is. I am finding that not only am I saving money but I am also doing my bit regarding recycling and this makes me feel all good and fuzzy inside! :) Seriously, when I think back to things I would buy for ease or convenience I am amazed at the money I have saved that has since gone towards other things.

My plan, apart from being totally debt free, is to have at least 3 months income in a separate savings account and at least 3 months food storage for all three of us in our home. These are the two big things I am working on with my family, and yes, even the kids get involved. Ok here is some of the things we do and why:

1. My income is staggered each month so each day we get paid we set aside where the money is to go.
    

    * 10% Tithing

    * 10% Savings Account

    * Rent/Utility Bills 

    * Food

2. Pre-plan our meals. Each week we sit and decide what meals we would like on what days. One of us will write out the shopping list and another will check what is in the cupboard. On completing the list we allow for extra portions that we can easily freeze for additional meals on a 'lazy day' or if we have unannounced visitors over. 

3. Take advantage of supermarket deals. Most supermarkets run their specials Wednesday to Wednesday so I allow £10 per week to add in any offers that are not on my list. Buy one get one free items are nearly always included if its something we genuinly use/eat. The free item will go into our food storage. The items in the extra allowance budget are nearly always for food storage. We also have a cupboard for extra cleaning items such as shampoo etc.

4. Recycling is becoming a bigger than usual thing wherever we go. My kids love making things and this is a great combination, at least in my case. Simple things like the the fruit containers are perfect for keeping meats fresh when they are opened, half used tin food and other foods. Jars are ideal for a whole range of things around the home, we are currently using them for:

    * smaller items in my craft stash

    * small jigsaw pieces of Charleys

    * scews/wall plugs/nails

    * money jars (painted and decorated)

    * tithing/savings jars

    * sewing items

    * tins can be perfect for decorating and making pen pots

    * tins are ideal starter plant pots for kids

    * jars/tins are ideal on the dressing table too (cotton wool balls, hair brushes, make up etc)    

    * cover a tin to match the bathroom and store the razors/toothpaste or even the tooth brushes.

Most of these ideas are great for keeping the kids happy and occupied on cold/rainy days or even just while dinner is cooking :)

5. Paper is probably one of the most wasted products in the home. I own up to being a paper towel freak, I stress at the thought of running out of it! My kids like to draw and write and colour, this leaves one side of the paper unused and as I have about 5 lever arch folders full of their artwork I dispair how i'm ever going to store more over the coming years! So we found a new use, a fun one at that....wrapping paper! Having an array of birthdays I ran out of the supply of wrapping paper I've had since forever, so we picked up a few sheets of Charleys artwork and used that. The recipient loved it so much she put it in her birthday book! With all kinds of paper that cant be reused (hygienically) try shredding it and using it for the hamster or other cage animal. Our ginea pig actually eats paper and hates straw or shavings! Our unneeded letters get shredded and when we have more than we need I offer it by the bin liner load to other people I know with animals. Its cheap (or free in many cases) and it multiplies the usage.

6. I have began a love affair with charity shops. Not sure how that happened but it has and I am not ashamed of it at all. I frequently go in and have a look around, not for anything in particular  really but there have been times when I have wanted to make something but haven't had the right fabric. Charley's birthday for example, he  wanted a Happy Birthday bunting but it had to be in orange (his favourite colour). Of all the fabric I have this is one colour that was missing...but then the nice lady in Sue Ryder found a pale orange flat sheet and let me have it for £1.50. A quick wash and I not only got the bunting but I got to make him a pe style bag and a play mat and there's still plenty left over. I've also found a gorgeous blouse in there that wouldn't have fit me but was too good to miss at 75p so I bagged it and make 4 placemats for the dining table with it! What a better way to also give to a good cause than to look for supplies from a charity shop?

7. Lists. I'm sure many of us are reliant on lists (please say you are cos it'll make me feel better!) I have lists of almost all aspects of our lives, from school needs, to daily to-do tasks and shopping. My  shopping lists though are broken down into daily needs, frozen foods, cleaning/hygiene and fresh stuff. I use index cards to list the regular stuff we like to have  plenty of which reminds me on my shopping days of what I have and what I dont have. On the cards I note how much of each item I have (inventory done every week) and how much I need to replace. Sometimes we dont fill up on anything if we haven't included it in our weekly menus or if its not suitable for storage.

So there are 6 of the big things we do in our home. In just doing these things alone we have been able to treat ourselves to days out, going to the hair stylist, getting our nails done, books, and even added to our savings account!

What I get from this most of all though is how I feel inside. Not only am I getting a sense of respect for the environmnent around me, nor am I just teaching my children about economy but knowing that I am doing all I can to help myself improve mine and my childrens long term quality of living is just brilliant. Without  all the consumerism we live better, freer and more meaningfully.

More on this subject will be coming up on the new website soon. If you are a frugal/thrifty person and would like a regular spot at sharing your ideas with the www then drop me an email: lifeasmeblog@yahoo.com.

Do you recycle? Do you like your perks? Tell me how you do things.....

~*~Debs~*~




Today's gratitudes are: 


1. I am grateful that we are able to really take stock/control of our own finances/living habits.

2. For a landlord who is just so cool.

3. A family member back in my life.

4. This blog. It is a wonderful outlet for me in many ways.

5. My childrens sense of humour when I do something silly. Like fall off the last step!

Apologies? Nope...just real life!

Yet again I have fallen behind here, big time. However, given that I am working my butt round the clock doing the new website, sourcing sponsors, securing deals, making and writing recipes, writing articles for a variety of places and companies plus take care of my kids I think I can be forgiven...for now!

We are also working hard on sorting out, packing up, and getting ready to move into our big, new house in the sticks! Yep, I secured a fantastic new house (5 years old) with a better than perfect rent and its much bigger than this one which means I will yet again have my own office, a large one at that! The kids rooms are way bigger than they've ever had, my room takes over the 3rd floor and as for the living room, lets just say we'll need a megaphone to speak to each other!! The new style business will be run from home in a much better and professional way, the kids have all they need indoors and so much more than they ever dreamed outdoors and locally so for us, its up, up and up!!!

 

{Image borrowed from Coleford Parish Council website}

Cos i've been working like an idiot I have decided to treat myself to a new car too...a gorgeous blue/grey Vauxhaull Tigra convertible! Yep, you read it right, I figured it was about time we moved in style and got back out on that life ladder as we cruise the lanes to freedom, jet the motorway to visit Jay down in Poole and Scott up in Birmingham....just have to find the right shades now to complete the image!! :) Ready to be collected in just 4 loooonng weeks :(

Shallow? Heck yeah but who cares? I worked hard, saved hard and played hard for this...and so did my kids! :)

**************************

So family update:

Charley: Started school this last Monday (separate post to follow with photos) he totally loved it and was more concerned that I was going to stay with him!!

My lil man turned 5 on Thursday and we had a wicked-awesome day! Not one of his fathers side sent him a card or called him, including the father himself. This upset Charley but surprisingly he got angry (not his style usually) and said

'Mum, I dont want to see my daddy anymore, I dont think I like him'

So I said:

'I'm sorry son, just give him time, i'm sure there's people stopping him from seeing you but he'll regret it one day'

Then he said:

'Well bad people should stop being bad and daddy needs to grow up'

At which point I choked on my strawberry icecream and glared at Kirsten!!

Saturday mornings sees Charley doing Karate, Thursday afternoons he has swimming lessons and he seems to have taken up drawing at home lately, good detail for his age too!

Kirsten: Doing totally fantastic! She has stopped hanging out with some people round here and within days I saw a dramatic attitude change, she doesn't need to asked to move her shoes, cook dinner or go to bed. I dont have to remind her to do her homework or bring her washing down. In fact, she is happier now than i've seen her in a long time. She is learning the piano, about to start a part time job at a stables so she can learn about horses before we decide if we can get one of our own in a year or so and loves Young Womens and the fun stuff they do there.

Scott: Two weeks till he goes off to Birmingham University! He is already packed and ready to go! I am so darn proud of him, its been a long, hard road at times but he's stuck to his plan and he's finally got to where he wanted to be!

Jay: Very much settled in his own place down in Poole with his gorgeous girlfriend. He has a good job and gets on very well with her family. They make a fab couple and just seem so perfect together.

Me: Still no news on the knee operation but its definitely getting better. I cant get the ok from the doctor though to start working out again so i'm learning patience and finding new, innovative ways of working out without using the left leg!! Oh the images that must give!! Lol I have been offered a place to do another degree but i'm not sure this year is the best time to do it, so I will most likely opt for a photography course instead, much less pressure and more flexible. I'm learning the piano too, though im not sure my neighbours appreciate me too much so I keep waiting till they go out! Bless them, they never moan but I can see it in their eyes when we're chatting!! Lol Facebook has become a lifeline of sorts, especially with some awesome old school friends and family that I haven't seen for years so I can be found on there most times....no thats not strictly true, I have the tab open but about a million others too that i'm flicking between!

I think thats about it for now........i'm sure i've missed a heap of stuff but it'll come back to me next time i'm here!! :)

I'm feeling very grateful right now in my life and today I am particularly grateful for:

• My wonderful kids who just amaze me each day
• Such a wonderful, loving Heavenly Father
• The awesome people who are working with me on the new website
• My eyes cos they are actually co-operating today!
• Facebook for salvaging my insanity on bad days!

~*~Debs~*~

Happy Birthday

Usually I have given an account of the day I had each child on their birhtday, this time i'm not going to.

Simply because I still find the whole experience emotional, 5 years on. Instead I want to focus on the visual side to my little man coming into this world and where he is today.

Another time I may well write and share my experiences but not today.

To my special little man

New born:

Age 1

Age 2

Age 3

Age 4

Age 5

Anyone that knows Charley in person knows he is a kid unlike no other. It's not just my maternal side talking, I am continually hearing how super he is. 

5 common descriptions of Charley:

1. well mannered

2. helpful

3. caring

4. imaginative

5. happy


My boy is the exception to the rule in many ways. I am forever learning from this little being of knowledge, understanding and humour. For a 5 year old he truly is an amazing boy.

I love you dude, with all my heart and then some.

Luv Mummy ~x~

Dangerous generosity

An interesting title dontcha think? How can generosity be dangerous? Take away the good samaritan scenarios like stopping for someone in the street late at night and think more of every day living. The people we have around us are often the ones that cause us the most pain and pleasure, but why?

One of the downfalls that i've been researching lately is the different types of people around me who are generous to a fault. We've all heard that saying right? And trust me its true. A true Christian hearted person will nurture their compassion, tolerance, loving, service and patient side and find that oftentimes they have outstretched what is reasonably expected of them. Not always, but in some cases.

I'm sure we all make one of two comments when we hear (or see) a 'do-gooder' which is either 'yeah yeah, what do they want?' or 'ohh how sweet is s/he?' yet very rarely do we actually stop and see them from their point of view. Why they chose to do or be something defines who they are, we can make the judgement of it being real or fake all we want but that person will know the truth yet only a few will know what motivates those generous choices.

Getting specific. Being willing to 'do all I can' in a relationship (including friendships, family etc) will almost always put that person immediately in the shadow, not the spot light. Unless that person is able to say no or offer an alternative to the proposed request that person will remain in the shadow. Few will remain there and many will wander off to the pits of dispair and wonder what s/he got wrong.

Thats me. Thats what I done. In my heart I tried to be all I could to be a good person, a good wife, a good friend, daughter, sister etc but not setting a limit or asking for help in return implied that I can do anything and everything without help.

Wrong.

Then comes the time when I needed help and I had no-one I could ask. I needed help with some decorating, a car repair and a home repair that I wasn't able to do myself. I called some people who I thought might be able to help but either they couldn't or they didn't know anyone who could so I was left wondering why I bother. This is not a correct or healthy way of viewing things and is a very deep pitfall to let the mind get into. When I realised this is what I was thinking I began to question my reasons for doing what I do.

On the other side of this there is the real meaningful generosity of doing what we should do when we should do it. Knowing when to listen, when to speak, when to act and when to stop are all essential requirements of the balanced self. Today I had the pleasure of being a friend to someone who I've only known for a short while. My heart goes out to her in a way that I can sympathise from my own experiences and instead of that maternal rush of giving her the answers to fix things up, it was all about sharing a part of me that could hopefully help her. I dont know if my words helped but I know she will make the right choices and she will be ok. I learnt from this lady today and I feel honoured that she trusted me with something so personal. Being there for someone is a beautiful blessing, they let us in, show us who they are and open their world to us....including their vulnerabilities, remember to value that, dont use it, abuse it, judge it or disrespect it, especially if you dont agree or like it. Its too precious.

The truth is I have given more than I should have during my life, I have not allowed others to raise to their potential and inadvertantly I have infringed on their growth and free agency to help themself. Doing too much for someone can be dangerous for them and for the giver. Yes it is great at the time but in reality the giver becomes the shadow and the receiver becomes complacent and reliant in the wrong ways.

So how do you change?

Slowly. Too much too soon is a shock to everyone, and often results in a crashdown of people around us. I done this, I suddenly decided that I had to offer people some solutions and aid rather than go in and do it for them. Because there was no gradual work up to this people were confused and mistook my new found understanding as not caring or not wanting to bother. Family are included in this. They spend time thinking all manner of things which are far from the truth because they dont 'ask' the quesion merely use their assumptions to be the truth.

Over time I have slowly managed to say no at the things I genuinly cant do, offer to help what someone just needs help with and say yes to the things I can do that others cant. A lot of talking and explaining has been required along the way and some shocked expressions and comments have been expressed but in my heart I feel a sense of release, a sense of perspective and a sense of self worth because i'm not running round doing things someone else is able to do themself while my own family/commitments are suffering.

Knowledge is not worth anything without understanding. Understanding what we know is the key to our next move, its the shape that defines us.

Do you have dangerous generousity or do you have a balance? Or are you the sort to stay away and just take care of your own?

~*~Debs~*~