~*~Life as Me~*~

Putting Jesus Christ into Easter

Today was a day of production in our Mini Mansion ~ I dont just mean the fairy chores {though they were all done and dusted by midmorning} so on we went with a load of crafts and a lot more laughter with a few spoons of spiritual filling as we went through the days events.

We started off loading the dining table with craft stuff, so much so we barely had space to actually do anything! First came the Easter card kit that Charley put together for neighbours, then came some handcut flowers, press out bees and rabbits....to then me spiked on some twisted, brightly coloured pipe cleaners to make a set....for each neighbour! Now I wasn't quite quick enough to get photos of these which I could kick myself for because Charley got such a buzz with the reception from Jill and Julie when they saw them! The kid was floating on air!! Lol

Then we made a little basket of delights for my friend Taynia who is going through a hard time right now. Knowing what she is enduring, I truly stand in awe at her strength and wisdom, even if she doesn't feel it herself some days. Taynia is a truly special person that I have come to know gradually through my time here in Gloucester and she never amazes me at her humility, love and respect for everyone around her, regardless. So Taynia got this:

Not good photos from my camera at the moment, I think it could do with being looked at.

Charley and I decided to take a break, Kirsten was out with her friends Melissa and Gabby doing their thing at the Youth Club. Charley decided to do a dance for me, this time I had my camera to hand and got most of it....

 

He totally loves dancing, as soon as he hears music he's off, even if its the radio playing in the kitchen! He has his favourite songs, he sings along to his tv character shows and each time he thinks i'm unhappy he starts to sing Twinkle Twinkle in the sweetest high pitched voice ever! I look at him and tell him how beautiful that was and that I love to hear him sing. I remind him that if i'm not always smiling thats not because i'm sad, sometimes its because I have nothing to say {yes it does happen!} or i'm thinking, or even concentrating. He looks at me with twisted expressions trying to ascertain if i'm being honest with him! We get there though, I think its so sweet that he cares how I feel, though I dont want him to feel that he is responsible for my feelings either.

Conversation over breakfast:

Me: Charley will you go and get your clothes now please?
Charley: I'm on the case {said in the Tigger voice}
Kirsten: I'll time you
Charley: No Kirsten, I'm not a cooker and your not a timer!

Conversation after our morning cuddle in bed when Charley knocked my drink over by accident:

Me: Oops, Kirsten grab that towel quick
Charley: Sorry mum {giving me the saddest face ever}
Me: Dont worry, its just a drink
Charley: Thanks mum
Me: Move your foot Charley, QUICK
Charley: I AM quickin!!!

Conversation whilst I stood in the kitchen talking to the cat:

Charley: MOM!
Me: What?
Charley: I LOVE YOU!
Me: I love you too
Charley: Thanks mum
Me: Your welcome
Charley: I'm glad your my mum
Me: Oh thank you, i'm glad i'm your mum too
Charley: You are? You love me that much? {raising his eyebrows and stretching his arms}
Me: More than that, way more
Charley: Wow mum, your so cool
Me: Yeah I just rock eh? {whispered to myself in amusement}

Sometimes we have the smallest insights to his mind, yet they most often come out in his fantastic sense of humour. Charley loves tools, there are some tools I let him play with and sometimes when the quesitons and curiosity is there I will let him fiddle with something around the house. Tonight it was a door handle. He wanted to know what it was like inside so I said, come on lets find out. He unscrews the four screws and we take off the cover, once he's got his fix of information we put it back on and thats that. However, before bedtime he went off to put his toys/tools away while I was finishing off preparing dinner for tomorrow. We went through the bedtime routine, said our goodnights and I came back downstairs. Going into the living room I ended up walkin in the door, the little meister had taken the screws off and strategically positioned the handle back on to look normal! For a second I was confused and annoyed that i'd walked into a door, why didn't I open it first?!! Then it dawned on me, THAT is Charley's humour all over. He must have heard me cos I heard him giggling upstairs.

Anyway, I digress!

Crafts, we made a really pretty tree for the bunnies and other animals, which now has pride of price on our dresser in the hallway....

Then came a table display for when we have our special Easter Sunday dinner....all made from cut outs from a book he had or a tag banner I broke down, along with pipe cleaners, shredded tissue paper and the craft tin....

Charley is a boy who loves to show you how he feels. After our crafting time Kirsten took Charley out to the park for a while, giving me the chance to prepare for this evenings lesson about the final hours of Christs life and the meaning of His resurrection. On their return this is how I was greeted by my lil man...

For the purpose of the tape, yes he is almost always wearing his fireman outfit, no matter what the weather, he is fireman mad. The house is called the firestation, my car is no longer the Mini Merc it is Jupiter and I am fireman mum! He wont let me cut his hair cos he wants it 'long like Scotts' and will often be seen flattening it down with or without water! However, back to the flowers, he couldn't get up the stairs fast enough to give me these little erm...pretties!!

Ok, back on track! I put together some Easter themed bunting, placemats and napkins....but I haven't photo'd them yet....so I'll show them off later. Sorry this is a long post, it is for the purpose of two luverly friends of mine who wanted me to do this post as they live in the states. **waves** to Lin and Jen :)

There's more....

Over dinner we always read something from the scripture and/or the Friend, New Era or the Ensign. Tonight we listened to the talk from Elder Jeffrey R Holland, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles which I shall be posting here tomorrow morning before I go to church. We listened in total silence, by the end of it both Kirsten and I could feel the spirit abundantly. Then for the purpose of Charley who had been fantastic and patient throughout so far and who knows what he actually understood, we then switched over to watch a Book of Mormon Stories in movie form, THIS got his attention with a million questions, he told me what was happening and what came next! This kid is limitless!

Once the viewing was over, we talked about what we had watched, discussed how it made us feel, our gratitude and love for Jesus Christ and resolved to set more goals to work towards putting the Lord first in our lives as much as we can. This is a family thing that i'm not going to share on here but its all good stuff!

Bedtime this evening was so much more relaxed and meaningful than other nights. I really saw how much my children know and love the Lord this last few hours. I just have to remember that they can only go as far as I lead them, so I too have to stay on track!

Ok, thats it for now. Tomorrow i'm going to share the talk that Elder Holland gave in General Conference last week, later in the evening I shall be  posting about what we got out of the day, cos when all is said and done, we are all brothers and sisters of Jesus Christ, we are all children of a very loving Heavenly Father and we all have Easter somewhere in our lives!

Happy Easter :)

~*~Debs~*~

Goodbye Jade

Today we said goodbye to the loud and down to earth Jade Goody. I still find it hard to get my head round her last few months of cancer and how she has dealt with it all. I've read some amazing comments about her courage, determination and sheer positive way of setting her life in order for when she is gone. I've also read some downright mean and nasty comments but whatever someone's view mine is definitely one of admiration, respect and awe.
I have always liked Jade, sometimes i've cringed at some of the daft things she's said or i've laughed at something that really shouldn't have been funny but since Big Brother I have liked her. For a 3rd place runner up I think she's the one that has stayed in the successful spotlight a lot longer than others. She has gone from one normal local girl to being a well liked and respected businesswoman/mother.
I'm not going to do a running commentary on Jades life, there is some much better places to find that on the internet than my blog but I do want to add it to my own memories through this cyber waffle.
So now its on with life for her boys, Freddie and Bobby, a life without their dedicated mother. A life that will hopefully be shaped around the things she has taught them to date, things she leaves behind to guide them and remind them of who she is and just how much they mean to her. Jade may not be here in the physical form but I do believe she will always be 'here' and no doubt with her boys.
A few of my favourite photos of Jade:

In my mind, Jade is a hero, she is an example of a regular girl from a regular town having a personality that is worth more than any amount of money. Jade's presence on my tv screen will most definitely be missed.

The funeral was beautiful, the turnout was amazing and the whole feeling I got (watched online) was one of sheer respect, love, fun and 'lets partay' which was Jade's personality style to a T. I agree that Jade is definitely the Essex Princess, and rightfully so. She has shown us how to go from nothing to something, though I cant say her former life was quite nothing, she was happy enough, she didn't know any different and the fame and money that came later only changed her for the better and yes, i believe she deserved every penny/second of it!

And yes, I will definitely be buying her book. 1 because I want to read it and 2 because if it will help towards her childrens future then i'm all for it.

My children may never have millions in their bank accounts, but I know they would rather have the bank balance they have knowing that I am a phone call away or in another room. No amount of money is going to give Freddie and Bobby their mother back, so I say they should live the life she wanted for them, money or not.

~*~Debs~*~

Jack & Jade

Before I say what I want to say I first must apologise to the lady I was going to feature on Wednesday, due to unforseen problems my end I couldn't log in {again!} but all has been fixed and next week we will try again!

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The second series of Big Brother had me riveted to my seat with all the antics, bitchfests, joking and general messing around and anticipation going on. I admit, each time it was on I was a complete vegetable, and at this time in my life I wish I could relive it, relive those episodes that made me laugh and had me on the edge of my seat. Why? Because that is where I first {like the rest of us} saw Jade Goody. At first I didn't know what to make of her, i'm always wary of people who claim to be this or that, all that self boosting just doesn't work for or on me but I have to admit, I did kinda like her.

Then came a range of other places she showed up, dance workout videos {yes I admit, I bought it, I used it and I laughed myself senseless!}, I bought her book, I watched he shows on tv. Let me tell you why I so suredly admired Jade over the years.

Jade is real. She is not a self professed know it all, she is down to earth, she isn't afraid to say she doesn't know something and she thinks. I mean, her thought process is always going. She is deep but not analytical, she is caring, funny, moody, outgoing and well....Jade is a real person that is not afraid to be her true self and if someone dont like that then so be it, she takes it on the chin. I love Jade!

I am only a viewer on the other side of the screen, no-one of any real important in anyway in connection with Jade but that gives me an advantage, I dont have to like her, I dont have to watch or listen when she's around but I choose to. I always know that when I hear her speak I am going to have something to think about, something to feel and/or something to laugh at. She is a woman that has come from nothing and made it, all because of that precious personality and quality she has. She could have become anyone before Big Brother, she could have become anyone after it too, especially given the money that rolled her way but look what choices she made....to stay true to herself.

I have just finished watching her wedding. Before the credits even started I was crying. My heart aches for her, for her boys and for Jack. Though I do understand and believe in Heavenly Fathers plan and not for a second do I doubt it, it does not stop me, as a mortal being, as a woman and as a mother feeling that when Jade's time is up there is going to be a big, big gap that no-one will ever be able to fill. I watched her boys, I watched Jack and Jade's mum Jackie and her grandparents. I cannot imagine being in that situation, not for the life of me, but I know that in the ways of the world, losing Jade is just not ''fair'' and is so premature. What is life going to be like after Jade? I dont want to think about it, purely because some part of me connects with the fear of leaving my children behind before they have grown and settled.

On the other side of it though, Heavenly Father only takes those at a time when they have done all the things He needed them to do. Something they knew in the pre-mortal world. That just makes Jade even more special because at the tender age of 27, she has accomplished so, so much in her life, within herself and for/with others that its soon to be time for her to go home to her loving Heavenly Father who loves her so much and will welcome her with open arms. Jade is a special spirit in my eyes, she is leaving a wonderful set of memories behind. Her boys are a total credit to her and Jack, well what can I say, I bet he didn't expect all thsi when he proposed to her that day!! Go Jack!!! :)

I look on the news every day, a few times a day to see if there is any news on Jade. I am not too proud to say that i'm dreading the time when that fateful day comes. I dont really know why I have reacted so strongly to this, maybe it is the mother thing that pulls me in so strongly, I dont know. But what I do know, for all the critics out there that have slated Jade for commercialising on her bad health, I salute her. Not only has she raised awareness for cancer, not only has she shown us all a fantastic example but she has shown us that she is real, she hurts, she loves and she isn't going to give up without a fight. I dont care how much money she raises, as long as it achieves what she sets out to do for her children and when all is said and done, many of us would do the same if we had her status. We all want the best for our kids, and if we knew our days were counted so shortly how many live to the max, make every day count? That is exactly what Jade is doing and I say go girl!! :)

Jade, Jack, Bobby and Freddy looked gorgeous at the wedding. They clung on to each other like there was noone else around them. The bond between Jack and the boys is phenominal, and regardless of his legal issue, I think he would be a wonderful influence in their lives, even though they have their natural father too. Some people are just so loved that its ok to have more than one mum or dad, how blessed are they?

So while I'm still crying in between sniffles of the flu/cold that I have, I am thinking a lot about this family that I admire so much. I dont often say the term 'I dont care' but for this purpose I will, I dont care what goes on behind the scenes, I dont care what others want to bring into this politically or morally or even opinions, what I do care about is that I am so grateful that Jade is who she is because she will always be someone that I will admire, even though she is a bazillion years younger than me!!! ;)

I had to get that out. Jade plays on my mind a lot this last few weeks, I just hope and pray that there will be a miracle for Jade to have as much time with her family as possible. I hope and pray that Heavenly Fathers plan doesn't include soon rather than later. I just hope and pray that all of Jade's pain is as minimal as possible, she deserves some peaceful time with her family if she really must go Home soon.

I {heart} Jade Tweed!!!

Normality and the competition winner will be revealed tomorrow.

~*~Debs~*~

Love V Anger

I lay on my bed totally frazzled after a busy couple of hours with my kids, dinner and just getting prepared for the kids bedtime. I couldn't help but think back to the news earlier when I switched on to hear the weather forecast. I stood back and listened to the bushfires events in Australia, the devastation they face and the loss of towns and livlihoods not just homes. Tears ran down my face for these people, probably more so for the people who had tragically died. In the background Kirsten was chilled out on the sofa talking to her dad on the internet and Charley was some superhero or other and totally oblivious to the world outside their own. I looked at them and I felt an enormous amount of gratitude for them, for their safety, for their health and just for having them. I felt gratitude for not having to endure what these people the other side of the world are about to endure yet I felt so gutted and frustrated for them.

Listening to Charley say the family prayer I felt another tear come to my eyes, the innocence, the purity and the humility of a 4 year old is beyond anything I can comprehend. He gets so excited when we tell him how wonderful his prayers are and how pleased Heavenly Father is with him. Kirsten settled in her room, watching a dvd and cuddling with Jake, the black fur ball.
The house was silent other than the muffled sounds of the kids tvs, that was comforting.
As I lay there looking round my room wondering, imagining what I would feel if I had to go through what these Australian people are going through, I just dont know. Being homeless, yes I can relate to that after our experience of it just 19 months ago and I can tell you, it is nothing short of hell. Almost from nowhere I started sobbing. I couldn't stop. Maybe it was my own gratitude that got me going but all I could think of was as it stands 108 people have lost their lives to a freak of nature made a million times worse by some fascist arsonists who are probably sat somewhere thinking they are clever. Well I am trying really hard to not think of those people cos trust me, my thoughts are not Christlike by any means.
After a while, as tired as I was I just couldn't sleep. I went to sit on the back door step for a few minutes and fussed with the cat, Tillie but even that wasn't enough, I just needed to DO something. I might not be able to help the Australian people but I can do something right here in my home.
So I decided to follow through with our daily promises and do something extra for each of my kids. I crept into Kirsten's room (cos by this time she'd got in the top bunk of Charley's bed), closed the door and tidied her room, made it all clean, tidy, pretty and organised again. Thankfully it wasn't as bad as its sometimes is (cos i'd done it a few days ago!!) but I know in the morning she will find my note on her bed and KNOW that her mum loves her. Simple things mean a lot in our house. I try to encourage my kids to 'stop for the moment' wherever possible, remember to praise not chastise. No matter how we feel, no matter what silly thing someone has done, a positive word will go a lot further in learning the lesson than a negative correction. Thats not saying they never happen, I just try not to!! ;)
For Charley (I forgot to take a pic of his little set up, and I aint going downstairs now!!) I gathered all his Fireman Sam Action Station track up, set it up on the dining table and put together his Peppa Pig playhouse and garden bits at the side of it. He too has a note, though Kirsten or I will read it, I know he will feel my love for him when he sees the little thing mummy has done, without being asked!! ;)
You see, this last two years I have lost so much in my life, so many things have fallen apart, been destroyed, abused and pushed aside and I can honestly say, as God is my witness that I have not actively or intentionally instigated any of it to happen. Sounds full of it right? Well its not, its the total truth. My book will reveal all that when it gets released later in the year.
For now I am enjoying my two kids here. Tomorrow I need to speak to my older boys, I need to hear their voices, hear them laugh and see they are ok. I need to speak to my Dad, know he's ok too. It hurts when your life is about loss, its strengthening and it stops the pride and complacency setting in, trust me, I know.
Just a few minutes ago I listened to sky news and a story came on about a father throwing his 4 year old daughter over a bridge into a river. It is believed that he was going through a custody battle. The little girl, Darcy Freeman died a few hours later of massive internal injuries. Now tell me something, what drives a person to get so mentally deranged to kill their child? If you read my blog back in December you will remember that I too have a similar case going on and although my ex and I are back on track with each other and my daughter is home with me, it still does not change the feelings. At NO point did I EVER have the slightest thought to harm her just so Craig couldn't have her!!! That is a different level of spite and mental issue going on. I cannot imagine what goes on in someones head with that kind of thing and I get so darned angry I want to scream, shout and hit something! My kids are my life and without them I know I am like a fish without water, i've been a mum for half of my life, before that I just did not belong anywhere, not in my family and not anywhere else. Being a mum gave me purpose, a reason, it makes sense to me to be a mum. Ok so not everyone shares my feelings and I know some people are mentally disturbed but this father cannot be categorised as mentally distrubed because he knew that it was HIS own daughter he was making sure noone had if he didnt get her. B******D! Sorry.

I think I have that out of my system now but I just want to say one more thing:

No matter who you are, where you are or what you are doing....make sure YOUR family KNOW you love them, no matter what. Call them, text them, email them, do whatever you gotta do but right now, this second go tell them those three simple words. I Love You. Dont say anything else, just those three words. That is what YOUR life is about. Them.

~*~Debs~*~

The penny is dropping...

I woke up to the realisation that my life is about to take  lot of turns and changes that I didn't expect. Mentally my head is still the mindset that kids generally go to mainstream school, not home educated. Changing that mindset is going to take some time, I keep expecting the Attendance Officer to knock my door or Kirsten's teacher to call and scold me! I think if there were some kind of guidelines with the law then at least I'd be able to work to a guideline but there isn't any so long as the child is registered to being home schooled! Simple as that. That is a very scary concept.
I have officially 'deschooled' her in the formal sense and now she has the rest of the week to mentally deschool which is what the Home Ed Advisor suggested (even after 6 weeks holiday!) so she can start to relax about not having to go to the pre-scheduled classes with people that either intimidate or upset her. In the process she is to decide what kind of things SHE would like to learn and I will begin a process of how I can then add other subjects that will benefit her and intoduce her to new things. A part of me is very excited about the whole prospect but another part of me is worried that she may not cover enough things to still take her GCSE's when the time comes. I have a lot to learn still. I'm not into all this freestyle learning so i'm hoping to find something middle of the road between that and the National Curriculum so she wont feel too far separated from the friends she is still in contact with.
I've managed to secure her piano lessons, 3 sporting activities a week and 2 local businesses are happy to have her in with them for a day per month to introduce her to their trade, they are a hair salon and a nail and beauty salon. She has two penfriends, one in Germany and one in France and they always write her in their language and Kirsten replies in English so that will help with the two courses i've manged to get for her from Muzzy. I have a list of places to work through to cover other essential subjects as well as choice subjects so in its way its coming together nicely.
I asked Jay if he would have preferred home education with him being dyslexic and all but he was adamant that even when it was suggested 10 years ago he never wanted it, he felt he needed the social interaction more than what Kirsten feels she does. In reality, that's one area I dont have to worry with Kirsten because she is active with friends out of school and is active with her Young Womens activities plus there's the opportunity to meet other home ed kids next month.
So far i'm pretty much organised (for now!) to get this road on the show (yeah I know what I said!!). So fingers crossed it will work!
I had a mini disaster the other week and today i've realised the seriousness of it....I lost all my numbers in my phone! For some reason when the phone hit the water it not only cleared the numbers stored on the phone but also on the sim card too, so now i'm not only missing a nice pretty pink phone but i'm missing all the numbers too...and trust me I feel a bit lost cos naturally the minute I need them...they aren't there! Duh
Charley has had a viral infection the last few days, Jay and I have come down with a cold so i'm waiting for Kirsten to come down with it now! Anyone want it? It's totally free?!! :)
Charley's mumblings yesterday as he sat in his lil chair watching tv....

Charley: Mummy?
Me: Yeah?
Charley: I like my winky
Me: (spluttering my orange everywhere) you do?
Charley: Yes. And I like my bum. And my belly.
Me: Well thats cool!
Charley: Yes, I think so too

Later that evening, Jay was laying in bed with him and this is what I heard as I was faffing around in the bathroom...

Jay: Charley, do you want a drink?
Charley: Yes pwease Jay. I will have a warm strawbewwy milkshake. You boil the kettle, put some milk in my blue bottle and put some water in and put some milkshake in and put the top on and give it to me, ok?
Jay: Tell me again how to do it
Charley: Oh Jay, have I got to do everything myself?

I had to chuckle cos you can guess who he's got that from!!! LOL

We had our new tv delivered today, Charley decided that we have to 'take turns', he gets his programmes then when its dark and he's in bed its Kirsten's and Jay's turn. I, apparently dont get a look in till before he wakes up!!

Nothing like the good life eh? :)

~*~Debs~*~